Update

It's been a long time, at this point, since I've written. Part of it is that I've been busy, but a bigger piece of it is that I've been very unsettled of late. So here's what is happening.

1. I feel a lot of pressure, both internal and external, to figure out what I'm doing with my life, particularly in the sense of furthering my education. I'm stuck in a bit of motivation soup. I like many things about my job, so I'm not sure why it can't 'just be enough.' However, every time I think I've convinced myself of that, I get this anxiety linked up with a sense of moving forward, or not as the case may be. Now, part of that is money, teachers don't get paid much, but it's a livable wage. At my school, any way, moving up to admin wouldn't necessarily be much of an increase in my pay check at all. Moving up to admin would also mean a step away from the kids and one of the things I've known for a while, it's not the teaching I love, it's helping these kids, this demographic. Additionally, I'm not sure I really want to deal with the headaches inherent in being admin. To make it worse, that means going back to school for my M.ed. and trying to balance that with job and life just in order to move into a job that I'm not sure I want. However, if I don't move in that direction, I can't think of any other move that would be worth the risk and anxiety. My ambition towards writing always raises its head at this point, but I'm not a fool enough to think that is anything but a pleasant dream. Even if I could get my writing habit back and find the time, there's little likelihood that I could make any money at it. So, there I'm stuck on that issue.

2. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about Thomas's daycare. Not to get into it too deeply, I just don't trust them to give me the information that I need to make plans. They've already held him back into the 2/3 room on the basis of potty issues. They sprang that on us even though I expressed concerns many times over the previous year and even made plans over the summer on the basis that they were working on it with him, only find out two weeks before the change over that they had not been. They had many opportunities to talk to us about it and didn't. In fact they handled it very poorly when I expressed frustration. So the longer he lingers in the this room, the longer I worry that we are facing a similar experience when he needs move into pre-K. He's making progress on the potty front, but I have no idea what their standard for moving him into the 3/4 room is and don't feel like I can talk to them about it based on how they responded to the previous issue. Everyone I've tried to ask has been absurdly vague. I don't want to move him to a new daycare while he is making progress with the potty but I also don't want him missing the intellectual stimulation he needs. I feel like there's no good choice.

So, that's mostly what's going on. I have so much of this stuff whirling around, that I'm having a hard time coming up with public writing for the blog. However, I suspect that's actually making the anxiety worse, so I'm going to try to get the blog going again.

Sorry to natter on.