Musing

I think when we are young we think that adults have all the answers and that all that uncertainty that we feel in adolescence will fade. It doesn't, I still say things I don't mean, find people inscrutable, and wish that I could live my life in a room where I could limit entry to the chosen few. I've never had the ability to cut myself some slack and anything less than perfect is crushing in the sense that I can never be done and it can never be enough. I'm still the person I was as a teenager.

What I have gained with age is perspective. A lot of the things that still trouble me don't seem as all consuming as they did. These things all still bother me, but I don't get as stuck as I used to. Some days are better than others.

It makes me wonder if the monks sitting on the mountain overlooking the ravine in lotus pose ever have difficulty meditating because they know they turned the oven off....but they just can't remember doing it.